CLINTON MART!

CLINTON MART is run by the Campaign to Save The Presidency (Tony Blair) to auction off items which Clinton will have no use for in his new life as a car mechanic in Greenville. Everything must go (to make room for Al Gore)! Truly, CLINTON MART has something for everyone in its undulating sea of top-quality goods! So buy now, before the Republicans burn them and impose a dictatorship!

ITEM 1; Finest Cuban cigars, nearly new, partly used, difficulty in lighting expected, nay, guaranteed.

ITEM 2; Tailored ladies’ wear, including underwear set and a gorgeous [sic] dress, which may require dry cleaning. Why not splash out on the dress that’s so great, even the FBI want it (for J. Edgar Hoover, as it happens)!

ITEM 3; Splendid oval throw rug, no longer needed.

ITEM 4; Failing marriage, comes with wife and child, may require maintenance.

ITEM 5; Famous false teeth, fixed in sincere grin.

ITEM 6; Rare copy of the Declaration of Independence, found in the Oval Office. After every item on crime, a mysterious person has scrawled ‘Unless the President does it, in which case it’s OK’.

ITEM 7; That famous saxophone! The one used to serenade attractive American singer-songwriter Jewel Kilcher on her visit to the White House, when… (picks up phone) Hello? Daily Mail? You won’t believe how much money you’re going to pay for this… err… I mean, what I’ve got to tell you…

Conspiracies would like to make clear that none of these items are in our possession, but they will be soon. Also available, all the Presidents’ memorabilia! Features Richard Nixon’s ‘Special White House Phone - President’s Use ONLY, And I Mean Only", Eisenhower’s Ladybird Book Of How Radiation Works, Jimmy Carter’s X-Files videos, and Ronald Reagan’s… Ronald Reagan.