COURTNEY LOVE; That radical new interview technique in full.

For those who don’t know, whining American celebrity widow Courtney Love has decided to follow in the illustrious footsteps of megastars like Adolf Hitler and Pol Pot by censoring free speech. Now nobody can make money from Kurt Cobain’s death (except her), nobody can mention drugs and no journalist can interview her unless they sign a written affidavit proving that they think Courtney having her child taken into care just because she used heroin and smoked tobacco throughout her pregnancy was the greatest injustice in the history of the universe. The only interview technique possible, in fact, is for the journalist to be unbelievably sycophantic. Despite this, I haven’t seen an interview with her in Q Magazine. Yet.

Interviewer: So, what’s the new album like?

Courtney Love: I don’t have to answer this question! I will not stand for these wild accusations!

I: Err… OK. How are you?

CL: WHAAAAAAT?!?!?! How dare you! What right do you have to ask this?

I: Would you like a biscuit?

CL: RIGHT! That’s it! I’m reading you the Riot Act!

I: Alright. How about a doughnut?

CL: As my document begins, "Any interviewer asking Courtney Love about any subject in any way related to her will be sued. Any journalist asking Courtney Love about any subject not related to her will be maimed. Any journalist, period, will just be killed".

I: So, Courtney…

CL: DID I SAY YOU COULD CALL ME THAT? DID I? DID I?

I: So, thingy, what about your daughter Frances…

CL: DAUGHTER? I’m here trying to give my daughter a normal life by making lots of albums and movies and you VULTURES just prey on him! Or is it her? Now you’ve made me forget my daughter’s gender! Or is it my son? I need to lay off the heroin. To ensure little Frances has a safe life I’ve had to lock her up in a COAL CELLAR! I HATE YOU ALL!

I: RIGHT! THAT’S IT! How’s Kurt? Still dead? Is it true you ordered a hit on him? That’s what it said in that film Kurt And Courtney, and everyone says that’s dead funny! Is it true you have a season ticket to the Betty Ford Clinic? WELL CHEER UP WILL YOU, YOU WHINGING AMERICAN BORE! I’M ONLY TRYING TO MAKE THIS INTERVIEW INTERESTING!

CL: WHAAAAAAT?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! THIS IS A FLAGRANT VIOLATION OF