EDITORIAL:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Josiah Q Hitler

The magazine publishing duo of Graham Williamson and Giles Lewis has been running for almost five years now, and without wanting to blow my own trumpet, it is clear that I am totally responsible for their success. It's not an experience that I wholeheartedly regret, but I do regret most of it. To celebrate this ridiculous landmark, we've gathered together the least volatile articles from Blarb, their legendary first magazine, and Conspiracies, their underwhelming second stab at publishing. Look out in the future for a third stab, followed almost immediately by a job on the bins. This magazine encompasses old favourites from frankly ages ago, bits from slightly more recent times, bits from a fairly recent spate of writing, and some bits from very recent issues that we've re-edited so you won't feel ripped off.

There are many things to admire within this magazine. I personally will never forget Page 11, and certainly Page 5. But let's think a little about other stuff that we couldn't put in, such as Page 8 of Issue 10 of Blarb, and Page 7 of Issue 8 of Conspiracies. Yes, secretly editing these magazines has given me no end of pleasure, which I don't need to outline to you, I'm sure you all remember it.

Remind me, who are you again?

Hello, and welcome to a very special issue of Conspiracies. This issue collects the best of the articles from Blarb and Conspiracies in one big scary melange. However I must warn you that there are drawbacks. Some of the material in this issue appears to be extolling the virtues of a left-wing lifestyle. Well, none of it does, but neither does it extol the virtues of a good right-wing lifestyle. I therefore propose that for the next collection of these articles the staff of this magazine include no lefty pieces and a lot of pieces on the wonder of General Pinochet. This would in my eyes provide a little balance.

Frankly much of the content of this magazine is disgusting in my eyes. Graham Williamson might think it funny to parody French nuclear tests, but I don't. They were solid, intelligent decisions, in case they had a war with one of those tricky nuclear superpowers first. In fact, the only down-side was that we in Britain didn't think of it first.

But let's not complain. Just because the editors of this magazine are utterly and helplessly wrong in every way it is possible to be is no reason to get all irked. AAARRRGGGHH GOD!!!! What the hell am I doing here writing for this magazine? They offered me a job on the Daily Mail, but no, I had to go for the underground credibility. Note, fans, that this supposed 'Best Of' includes NONE of my fine columns. None whatsoever. Hopeless, isn't it? That's a sign, fans. Don't read this. Ever.

Main