Retired policeman Jebediah Cattlebackwards has devised an ingenious new system for parents to see what EVIL their children have been looking up on the Internet. If you see your children accessing sites with these words in - even if the letters are in a slightly different order - then you must shoot them. The full list of EVIL can be found at www.bodietl.com, or, if you don�t want an outrageous whitewash on the whole situation, go to www.2600.com. Here is a list of the words Cattlebackwards is concerned about. Be warned - only proceed if you are prepared to confront EVIL (Yes, we get the idea, get on with it - Ed.)

• Chronic - marijuana. This word can be found at the EVIL REM home-page at www.svs.com/rem/
• Death - not being alive. This word can be found at the EVIL Blur website at www.blur.co.uk/
• Gay - Many mass-murderers are gay. If your child is gay s/he may be a mass murderer. Find out about this scary FACT at www.cfnweb/com

• Grab - verb redolent of EVIL sexual activity and NASTY impropriety. The verb in full is available at www.student.io.tudelft.nl/~io737303

• News - purveyor of EVIL Commie lies, as we can see at www.koekie.org.uk/funnel/
• Peter Cook - dunno why he�s evil, but a quick look around www.scream.demon.co.uk/pcas/html will confirm my suspicion that he JUST IS.

• Rock Music - EVIL! EVIL! EVIL! As can be found at www.radiohead.comand www.garbage.com

• Salon - can be used to describe a meeting place for EVIL whores, nothing really at all likewww.salon.com

• Satan - can be confronted at www.ianpaisley.com
• Satire - never forget that the first three letters of satire are the same as SATAN! Certainly never forget it when reading www.private-eye.co.uk

• South Park - viewers of this EVIL show will die and burn forever in the depths of hell! Go to http://members.aol.com/BloopyATF/links.html to confront Satan!

• Strange - which you would be, if you�d read all this, so go to www.forteantimes.com
• Women - [Cattlebackwards foams at mouth and rolls around in horror, yet still manages to somehow get the address www.chickclick.com out, which is quite admirable]

And that�s it. Remember, send nice e-mails to the boys and girls at www.2600.com and nasty abusive ones to www.bodietl.com

Or send us strange mail in volumes at [email protected] or [email protected]

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